Wednesday

After every storm, there comes clear open skies...

"Turn away from what has gone,
for the future lies sparkling and awaiting your presence."
"All the advice you give to others is for you to hear." - Byron Katie

Today, I turned on the computer and checked the date, and then the realisation hit me that there were only nine days left of me being 'forty something'. In just nine days time I will be 50 !

Wow, I thought, I will have lived for half a century. I will be the age that in my youth I considered old. . . and then something strange struck me, far from being unsettled by it, I was actually really glad!
I have a confession to make. In hindsight, I haven't really enjoyed most of my forties. Somewhere along the way I seemed to have got stuck and have lived most of it in a kind of suspended animation.

"To play it safe is not to play." - Robert Altman

I felt awkward in conversations where everyone agreed that life became so much better with age, that they were SO glad to be older, it gave them freedom, self knowledge and happiness.

I just smiled politely and sat quietly with my secret.
I had self knowledge in bucket loads, freedom too, and have always felt such gratitude that I have the ability to extract joy from the simple things of life. But, somewhere inside me, it felt as though something had stopped, and it cast such a huge shadow.

"The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life,
the clearer we should see through it. " - Jean Paul Sartre


Then I discovered something, that sometimes just the passing of time solves things. As some things decay and are dropped, other things ripen in their place. And lately I feel a real shift, a bubbling sense of new life. Whatever had stopped has started again!

Something has been transformed, inner alchemy has been at work.

So, without ever entirely understanding what caused and cured these rumblings in my inner life! I shall gleefully let go of what has gone and with open hands I will welcome the future. I will embrace this new phase and I shall begin again!

I will step willingly into my fifties. I am ready for a new adventure!

"After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn.
And after every storm, there comes clear, open skies." - Samuel Rutherford


Have you ever felt such a turning point? Have you had inner situations that could be felt but not understood?

Image: between today and tomorrow - Susannah Bec.

13 comments:

Ann said...

Congratulations on the upcoming milestone birthday. Sometimes the passing of time does shift the sands.

Susannah said...

Thanks Ann. :-)

Suz said...

I had almost the same experience when I turned fifty...yes, something said...now...
Great quotes..resonated with me
I will be 6-0 in Winter...
what will that bring...I do feel another shifting going on oh so quietly....I think it's called aging
so enjoy 50...we really are beginning again..at that age..and it can be wonderful and adventurous
good thoughts today
and may I add...you look very young for 49

Susannah said...

Hi Suz,

I thought of you when I wrote the words "I shall begin again" and wondered if you would identify with the turning point, it seems you do :-)

Oooh, 60 another big adventure I'm sure. Beautiful things happen when we ripen.

Young for 49, well, up close I have all the signs of my years I promise you! ;-) but in 'astrology talk' having a Gemini ascendant (as I do) denotes - "You may appear younger than your age".

I loved the quotes too, it is wonderful when so much can be said in so few words.

Thanks Suz, it is always good to see you. x

Barbara Scully said...

Hi Susannah... 50 wow. And this is a wonderfully life affirming post. I am glad that you feel that things have moved/shifted in a good way and that you are embracing your next half century. I will be joining you in a couple of years and not sure my head/heart is where yours is yet.. but hopefully by the time it happens I will have learnt to embrace it too!

tamara hellgren said...

Congratulations on being ready for a milestone birthday!

We are both Leos, mine is the tenth :)

Last summer when I turned thirty I had the idea to write a letter to my future self, just talking about how I was feeling and what I hoped for the following year. It would be great to read that now! Maybe this year I'll make the effort--it'll be worth it in a year!

And I agree with Suz, I was surprised to read that you would be fifty in a few days! I would have guessed much younger!

I love the image and opening quote--reminds me of Star Trek :)

Susannah said...

Hi Barbara, you have a couple of years yet to get your head right and see it as a positive thing! :-)

It still feels weird that I am going to be 50 I suppose because as you are growing up 50 sounds REALLY old but when you get here, it is just you and a number (and a few more wrinkles of course!)

Good to hear from you. x

Susannah said...

Hi Tamara,

Wonderful, a fellow Leo, I should have known. ;-)

Many congratulations for your birthday too, have a wonderful day!

I think that is a really good idea about the letter, what a great way of keeping track of your thoughts, desires and expectations, I shall think of doing that myself - thanks for the inspiration. :-)

I find my blogs (especially My name is ZING) a really good way of finding what I was thinking and feeling and seeing how things and how I change as time passes, season to season and now year to year.

I'm glad you like the image and the opening quote and love the fact it reminds you of star trek! . . . I love star trek. :-)

Thanks for dropping in, it is good talking to you. x

Jennifer said...

I get it. I've always felt more self assured and happy with myself with each year - but there is some sort of "limbo" in passing from one "phase" to another. As I continue to travel towards 50, I'm feeling it's a new era, so to speak. And like many, I suffer from fear of the unknown.

Knowing that time has played its role in moving your shadow along is comforting.

Susannah said...

Hi Jennifer,

yes it is comforting to know that time has played its role in moving things along.

I think that most of us try to understand and put right anything that seems wrong, and as I discovered with this, I didn't exactly know what IT was, so couldn't.

Knowing that time itself evolves things is a comforting thought. It makes me think of the quote - “Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself”.

Good to see you, I hope you enjoyed your holiday. :-)

Brian Miller said...

congrats on the bday...50 is a good road sign along the way...i think that in many ways we decide those turning points...i have sen those that had them young and others old...

Susannah said...

Hello Brian,

yes I agree that we can decide the turning points, sometimes it just takes being aware enough to consciously make the decision. There have been lots of turning points so far in my life and I am looking forward to this one too.

Thanks for visiting, it is good to meet you. :-)

Jingle said...

Happy Birthday, Belated...

love your title,
my name comes from it, the sky after t storm or snow storm,

it is all refreshing and beautiful.
cheers.
love your spirits.

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