Honest Communication

Just lately I have been thinking about communication and how we are all doing the best we can with what we have got and where we are. But perhaps we could strive for more 'soul level' communication and that would be a start in a new way of communicating.

It would involve letting go of some of the masks, barriers and shields and that in turn would opens us up to the risk of being hurt, which is obviously why people don't do it very often.

Humans need the shields and the barriers, as underneath we all still contain the innocent child who got wounded by "life".

So we are on the defensive and we mistake our viewpoints for 'us' and when our views are attacked, then we feel attacked and not understood and at a subconscious level often angry and rejected.

That seems to be the nature of us as humans, we didn't come with an instruction manual, we are all wounded, we are all flawed, we are all dealing with it.

So that brings us back to honest communication.

We can start by examining truly 'where we are coming from' in our exchanges with others, for instance are we trying to 'be right'? are we trying to make others 'wrong'? are we trying to 'point prove'?.

Lets keep in mind that behind the masks of each and every one of us there is a soul, an energy, trying as best they can to get the knack of life, of dealing with their feelings, their thoughts, themselves.

I've thought about it and I am willing to change patterns, I am willing to communicate honestly and remember who is behind the mask.

"We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin."
- André Berthiaume

Reality?

There is no one objective reality...there are many "realities." Everyones reality is so different, both physically, mentally and emotionally. You can never completely share a "reality" with anyone, because everything we see, observe, hear or experience is filtered through us. And because of this fact, is coloured by our expectation and our total life experience up to that point. Which will always add subtle overtones to our view.

For example, if two people are asked to view and describe the same room, one, if having been bought up in a large house with spacious rooms, will view the room as small, while another having been used to small cosy cottage rooms will view the same room as a large room, who is correct? which is "reality."

One person could hear the sound of a marching band and be reminded of dear old uncle Harold, who played the bass drum in one for thirty years, and all the fun and ice creams a visit to hear him entailed. Whilst another could think of a wartime friend who died tragically, trombone still at his lips, do you get my point?

You could spend 24 hours a day with someone, share your life, a life you had "built" together. But still that person would always be looking at you, while you would always be looking at them, even if you were looking at the same object, you would never be observing it from exactly the same space, at exactly the same time.

Reality is personal, one person loves dogs and has always had one as best friend, another is frightened by dogs, terrified, feeling that they will harm him. They come across a stray dog in the street, what is the reality of the situation? is there one? the men, the dog, or us, as observers will all see the situation differently.

People tend to feel, that if other people do not experience or see things in the same way that they do, that in some way the other person is judging their experience as wrong. Or that if their personal experience of "reality" is correct...then other views of "reality" must be wrong.

So believing in "one reality" can cause disruptions, friction, hurt feelings and frequently causes wars.

For if you believe that there is only one reality...and all your beliefs and life experiences have backed up that you are right. Then obviously it must be very difficult to understand that the other person feels exactly the same as you do, because all of their beliefs and life experiences have led them to their conclusion in exactly the same way.

In each of these "Realities" each person is correct.

The familiar cry is "we can't both be right".

Understand the concept of realities and you will see "yes we can".

Copyright © SB 2004-2009