Many Selves - An Inner Choir

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." - Anaïs Nin

There are moments when a chance meeting will spark up something inside of us, a stream of thought, a deep realisation that uncovers something within ourself, something intrinsic.

It happened to me yesterday . . .
It held a mirror up to my deeper self and I saw a vital part of me reflected. That recognition 'shuffled me' on an inner level, bringing a part of me that had taken a background role and planting it firmly there in the foreground. As I felt the jolt and reabsorbed that almost forgotten energy, I mused how had it had taken such a back seat and I wondered, when had it moved out of my everyday life?

I decided (too quickly) that over the years my outward self had become a diluted version of my essence. Like a voice that naturally sings bass, learning to sing soprano to harmonise with those around so they can hear what I am singing. I had tempered my expression of me, so much that it had become habitual - it was in fact now. . . me.

"There are so many separate selves;
no one who writes creatively hasn't felt that."
- Jeanette Winterson

Then, I thought further and knew that yes, that may seem to be the case but also something much bigger was going on here. I looked back and understood that all throughout my life there has been a shifting of these internal players, my very own choir! Always singing together, some are singing harmony, some descant and at certain times one steps forward to sing a solo. That is what had happened.

Different parts of me have taken centre stage over the years, depending I now realise, on what I at a core level need to learn or express right now. The assets and skills of each of these players are kept and contribute to the whole but step forward when needed.

So yesterday, a part of me that I hadn't expressed outwardly for such a long while stepped forward - and she's ready to sing a solo.

Very interesting! it looks like a new phase is about to begin.


In-joy-in My Life said...

Thank you for such a beautiful post. I love the way you express your feelings. I can actually hear the melody! What joy in making these discoveries about ourselves. You are letting your light shine and I appreciate it.

Suz said...


Ann said...

Very thought provoking post Susannah. To know your inner self. What a gift that would be!

Susannah said...

Hello everyone!

Ellen (In-Joy)- Thanks for your lovely comment and feedback, much appreciated. :-)

Suz - thanks for making me smile. ;-)

Ann - you already have the gift - you just have to unwrap it! :-)

Thanks for dropping in, it is always good to see you all - x

Colleen Loehr said...

This post really touched something in me. Lately I've been wondering what it means to find one's voice. The fact that there are so many voices in us, so many aspects to our being, is a good thing- that is one point I feel you are expressing in this post. This way of relating to our inner voices feels so much more sane and peaceful then trying to get rid of or minimize or control the choir within (I love this image). Sometimes I feel that, for example, the voice of my "brave self" is doing battle with the voice of my "fearful self"- but why not have room for all the streams within us?
I liked your sentence about a recognition that "shuffled you" on an inner level- that description of an inner moment really hit home with me.
I also was moved by your observation that "my outward self had become a diluted version of my essence." I think that is probably true for all of us to some extent, and you say it so clearly.
I wonder about integrity- to me that has something to do with integrating all the previously rejected and abandoned feelings within ourselves, and through this integration finding true integrity and wholeness. Your post about the different voices within and sometimes singing solo addresses these questions. Bottom line is - what is authenticity? We are all drawn powerfully toward what is authentic within ourselves, and your words in this post awaken within me a sense of moving toward what is most authentic within myself. We are all parallel ships moving toward that authenticity within that attracts us with a power unlike anything else.
Thank you for a powerful post Susannah!

Susannah said...

Hi Colleen,

Thank you for your thought provoking comment, yes, I understand what you say about the different voices within us and the need to sometimes to mediate between them - that is where we need a 'choir master' :-) I suppose.

My understanding has been greatly helped by being able to identify and understand the needs of the 'choir members' for which my knowledge of astrology as a map of the psyche has been invaluable - if you have time to read it, this short blog post of mine should explain -

I suppose that the choir singing in harmony, with each of their parts/roles/voices recognised, respected and put to use by the one (a strong integrated self connected to our soul/spirit/a bigger universal level) who organises and conducts the choir, is something to aspire to - so that the whole is functioning with authenticity and integrity.

Thanks Colleen for getting me thinking further about this. :-)

tamara hellgren said...

My apologies if this comment goes through twice--I had some technical difficulties...

I hope we will get to know more about this new Susannah who just stepped into the spotlight!

The part where you were talking about changing one's voice to harmonize with others reminds me of a quote, and I know how much you love quotes so I have to share:

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

--Kurt Vonnegut, from "Mother Night"

Thank you for being brave and writing about real things ;)

Susannah said...

Hi Tamara - it is good to see you here. :-)

Thanks for the quote - very true! - and for your comment, it is much appreciated. :-)

Colleen Loehr said...

Thanks for refering me to the "Mirror of the Soul" which beautifully states this important truth:

"anything that is repressed will eventually have to be heard/acknowledged for wholeness to occur. Or it will be constantly mirrored to you from outside of your self, in the form of other people or circumstances in order that you learn from it/ own it."

"Projection makes perception" is also a way I've heard this expressed. This insight helps me to look at difficult experiences not as "bad luck" or "poor me", but as opportunities to open to what I have denied within myself. Thanks Susannah!

Anonymous said...

hey your blog design is very nice, neat and fresh and with updated content, make people feel peace and I always enjoy browsing your site.

- Norman

Susannah said...

Thank you Norman. :-)


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